On September 2nd, children in Poland and Hungary will start the next school year. This year's holidays in Poland were dominated by a discussion on sex education in Polish schools. The clash between two concepts: the laic-permissive versus Catholic-normative is particularly clear in Gdańsk, Poznań and Warsaw, where the authorities want to introduce education based on "WHO standards". Many parents see this as an attack on their constitutional right to raise their children according to their own convictions. The shape of sex education in both Poland and Hungary does not arouse admiration from the European Union agendas and the rest of the progressive world. In Poland, instead of typical sex education, students attend Preparation for Family life lessons. The YouAct (European Youth Network on Sexual and Reproductive Rights) reports with horror that in the description of the Polish curriculum for this subject the word "family" appears as many as 173 times, and "sex" only twice.[1] The report also emphasizes that the education of young Poles is based on Catholic morality, which automatically stigmatizes people with different sexual orientations and families other than traditional. In Hungary, in contrast to Poland, same-sex unions are legalised (since 1996 cohabitation, since 2007 partnership unions), but sexual education within the subject of Sex life and family life is considered too anachronistic. The Centre for Reproductive Rights notes with displeasure that "there is neither a general policy nor a uniform practice regarding the sexual education of young people in Hungary.[2]
The battle to change the shape of sex education in Poland is not settled and at present it is not clear what young Warsaw, Poznań and Gdańsk residents will be learning as of September. It is known, however, that the LGBT+ community will not abandon the demand for school secularism and the elimination of Christian values from education and social life. In many Western countries they have already achieved their goals. Anna*, a Polish woman who emigrated to Australia a few years ago, talks about the consequences of this. (MDK)
Thus far I've kept my situation to myself. It was the subject of my numerous prayers, reflections and conversations with my husband, but I decided to talk about it in public because I thought that people did not realize what was happening to their children.
I parted with Iwona's father, with whom we lived in an informal relationship, when our daughter was just over three years old. For six years, the two of us lived together, until Mariusz appeared in my life. We got married and after a few years we moved to Australia. For me it was a kind of adventure, I am a person who likes new challenges. We were happy to send a fourteen-year-old Iwona to an Australian school. I was hoping she would assimilate easily. And that's exactly what happened. She is talented and we made sure that her English was ready in advance. She did well at school and we were very proud of her. I was encouraged by the fact that she speaks English so well and had entered the new environment quite smoothly. I thought it would be her capital for the future. She also showed a great talent for fine arts. Back in Poland, she liked to draw and draw a lot. In the early days in Australia, our Iwona developed these talents fantastically, finding many new, exotic topics. She willingly showed the results of her efforts. However, after a while she began carefully hiding her own works.
When she graduated from primary school, she got into a good high school. After a while, I noticed that bloody cotton wool started appearing on her bedside table from time to time. This became more frequent. At first it did not arouse my suspicions, I thought that these were issues related to the skin and adolescence. One day, however, driven by anxiety I decided to tidy up her bedside table and discovered some needles and blades from paper scissors. The same day in the evening I roiled up her sleeve and saw cuts on her arm.. High up on her arm, it was hard to see it before. When I asked her if she had done this to herself, she nodded and showed me the scars on her other hand and thighs. I panicked and couldn’t stop thinking about what was happening to her, because she always seemed to be a happy child. She liked to look nice and tried to stand out from her group, she imposed her style, her views and her opinion on others. She has a very strong personality. Recently, however, she often locked herself in her room, watching something on the Internet and as if distancing herself a little from family life and shared activities. I was shocked, shaken up and couldn’t for the life of me find the reason for this behaviour. Of course, I took her blades and forbade her inflicting any more self-harm. I started wondering if I wasn't taking enough care of her. For six years I was alone with her, maybe when Mariusz showed up the change left some mark on her, maybe she felt put aside? It is difficult for me to say what impact this could have had, but in such moments self-incrimination is ripe. My husband has no children of his own and their world is alien to him, he does not know how to approach them. He's quite dry, distant. My child did not get warmth from him, but he helped me as much as he could in her upbringing and he was happy to support her in her upbringing and education, unlike the biological father with whom my daughter was in contact but who never felt financially responsible for her.
I found out about psychological support centre for children, which operates within the educational system. I went there with my daughter. She started going to consultations and said that the psychologists working in the centre understood her problems very well. But after a while, she started cutting herself again. I went to the centre and wanted information about her condition so I would know how to help her at home. I was told the information was confidential. My daughter, who was already sixteen at that time, wished not to give me information and, as a parent, I could not learn anything. That was the first time that Iwona started to say that she felt alien in her body. The centre suggested she could take testosterone. Yeah, no problem, no deeper research. It was a shock to me. Iwona wasn't a male type. She always put make-up on and dressed very nicely. Shoes, handbags, makeup - it was her world. I didn't know how I could prevent it, I learned about the possibility of appealing against the school, the centre, everywhere it was explained to me that it is a private problem of a child, that Iwona is already at such an age that she has the right to decide about herself and only her decision is taken into account. I was also instructed that the use of psychological violence against a child (i.e. urging her to renounce hormonal "therapy") is punishable in that country.
I became interested in what Iwona draws, namely the works she did not show me. I found drawings of penises, kidnapped personalities, detached, bloody limbs, gallows in notebooks buried in the wardrobe and under the bed. Panic overwhelmed me. I started to read her school documents carefully, which I had been looking at quite briefly so far. There were a lot of tests, exams, including those she wrote in the first weeks of school. I realized the system had been working on her since she went to a primary school in Australia. For example, in an English test she had to write about her assessment of same-sex marriages. She was required to have the ability to express herself on gay and lesbian topics. At the same time, the work would probably not have been well evaluated if its approach had not been politically correct, i.e. approving. As I noticed, the school system lulled down logic, blurred the boundaries between good and evil, changed the meaning of words, and at the same time was conducive to emotional titillation. I realized that what was happening to my daughter now was the result of a process that had been going on for a long time and I hadn't noticed it.
After the first visit to a clinic where hormones are applied to children, I asked if she was even tested before the testosterone was administered by a psychologist. She told me that yes, and that the psychologist was fantastic and she was very supportive of her choice, which was gender reassignment. She informed her about the possible reactions of the organism to the "therapy" and suggested changing her name to a male one.
The situation was deteriorating rapidly. Iwona shaved her head. She already had earrings in her nose, so she pierced herself even more. She dressed in a masculine way, so much so that she overdid it. At school, she said she was a boy. The school approved of it immediately. She was called by the new male name she had chosen. The first photo from the high school ID card shows a beautiful girl with a fringe, while the second photo, after the change, shows a face swollen with testosterone, shaved head, earrings. That's how Iwona became Steven. Of course, as soon as she turned eighteen, there was a judge who made it easier for my daughter to officially change her name to male.
At first, Iwona got free testosterone. Now she's paying small amounts for the pills that keep its levels up. When she started taking it, I was terrified because she suddenly got fat, her face swelled, pimples appeared and her voice changed. It was beautiful and sweet, and now she squeaks like a boy during voice mutation (even if she stopped taking testosterone, her voice will remain like that), she has hairy legs, and when I kiss her cheek, I feel that hair appeared on her face. She shaves, of course, because she wants a good beard as soon as possible. My daughter with a beard...
I noticed that the level of her artwork had fallen dramatically. It turned out that they did not teach painting techniques, or reliable drawing, but ideology in art. The visual arts teacher took the class to the beach, where they collected garbage, brought it to school, hung it on themselves, and performed erotic dances that the teacher filmed. It was related to the fight against ecological pollution and demonstrating unity with the earth's energy. I saw this dance (Iwona recorded fragments with her phone) and I was paralyzed. That's when I paid more attention to the art teacher. I looked up information about him on the Internet. It turned out that he specializes in so-called modern art, e.g. he names a plastic hydraulic pipe in a certain way and that the so called is art. He paints Jesus Christ on a toilet seat and thus creates an exhibition exhibit. He also threw a doll representing a child into a plastic trashcan and this is also on the list of his artistic achievements. It's that kind of "art." When I saw who was teaching my daughter, I had a row at school. I wrote a long letter to the management, I presented the drawings she made before she got to school and those she makes now (tragic penis sculptures and drastic visualizations of people with their limbs cut off and blood flowing from their eyes, such obscene, vulgar, unfortunate drawings). The teacher was relieved from educating my daughter's class, but still had contact with the pupils. I never got an answer to my letter. I think I know why. When I was at the students' exhibition presenting their artistic achievements, I saw and registered with my phone such exhibits: a trampled cake, friends; cut-off hair, arranged in a pattern, stained pyjamas and a lot of such "works". When I asked my daughter what they had learned from history, she replied that the history of several revolutions: Soviet, Chinese and French, among others. Nobody taught them the history of civilization, or even the history of Australia... nothing... Sometimes I regret that I took her away from Poland.
I searched the Internet for testimonies of people who changed sex and then regretted it very much, but when I sent them to Iwona she behaved very aggressively towards me. She threatened that if I sent her something like that again, she'd break contact with me. The counselling centre was still working with my daughter. She came after visiting them and asked if I could still stand her and if she didn't have to leave the house. I felt like someone was telling her what to do. One day she told me she was a man and if I didn't like it, she would not live with us. I answered that I would have her as long as she was Iwona, but if she consider yourself a boy, then it is at her own responsibility, which entails maintaining herself. I wanted to make her think about the situation, but she was already prepared for it, because on the same day she packed her bags and moved to a friend's house. It turned out that the system very much favours children leaving their families and the daughter got four hundred dollars a week for moving out of the family home. Australia has a false tolerance and people are strongly ideologized. The mother of one of her schoolmates accepted my daughter, who lived with them for a few months. But one day she found the door of that house locked. Then she lived on the sofas of two more friends. After all, my daughter and her friends rented a flat in the city. This is what the money from the state is for - to rent a room and live on. And a lot of kids take advantage of that. I lost contact with her. But her biological father using social media continues to support his daughter in everything she does. The fact that "he's a guy" was commented on by him: "great."
We met after a few months of her independent life. It was her birthday and I sent her wishes: "Happy birthday, my love. I wish you all the best." She texted me a long time ago that she loved me, missed me, and wanted to meet me. Both of us, injured by this situation, agreed on a neutral ground - in a café. I told her that I couldn't call her by her new male name and asked her if she would demand it of me. She answered: "I'd rather." I said that we either meet and I talk to her like a daughter, or we don't meet at all, because it won't pass through my throat, but of course I would like to be in touch with her and that I love her very much. She let me talk to her like a daughter, but she answers me in male form. In order not to hurt her additionally, I try to use infinitives, bypassing the female forms. I want her to know that she can rely on me, my help, support, love and care, although I do not accept her new male personality.
Iwona always liked to stand out in a group and tried to achieve it in different ways. For the time being, she lives in an artistic environment that supports her change. Thanks to her otherness, she is attractive. If she were ordinary, she wouldn't be so interesting. I once started an almost hysterical fight because she said she wanted to cut off her breasts. It's hugely painful for me. My little girl, who's so beautiful, tells me such things. Recently, I found a terrifying picture on the Internet. There's a woman on it who stopped taking testosterone and her ovaries started working. She's got a beard to the waist, a big belly, and she's in labour. That picture is my nightmare.
I think my daughter's been through a lot. I'm not trying to figure out what happened, because I'm afraid it could break me. I asked her once whether this change was the result of something unpleasant that she had gone through in her childhood, or some kind of rejection by a boy or rape. She only answered that you don't need to go through anything so drastic to make the decision that she made....
I pray for her every day. I've already said a few rosary novenas, I've ordered a few masses. I feel like it's the only thing I can do right now. I think God has a plan. Trust and faith help me a lot.
My dears It's not like a child suddenly wakes up believing they should change sex. Of course there are different cases studied by psychologists, but the most common phenomenon is the slow influence on the absorbent and defenceless mind of the child of various media and of the education system, which is dominated by gender-sensitive activists. Let us be aware of that. Our history is a picture of the whole process. When we moved to Australia, Iwona was very feminine. Her shift towards gender was primarily influenced by the system. School, television programs and promotion of gay culture wherever you look. At one point there was a lot of drag queens on TV and the gay and lesbian parade here in Sydney was a tourist attraction or so I thought. But now I see it as an offensive, an attack, a war against normality, a destruction of people's entire mental structure. I don't think it's an attraction or a game anymore. By allowing children to attend such parades or meetings, even as an observer, you can expect your daughter to come home packed full with testosterone and say that she's a guy. She will plan to cut off her breasts or take off her skin from her thighs to get a penis. Or your beloved son, instead of grasping his wife and giving you grandchildren, will come with lipstick on his lips, in high heels and in dresses. What you experience then will not be joyful or pleasant. This is going to be a tragedy. It is therefore worthwhile to anticipate certain facts so that they do not happen, because I did not pay special attention to gender until it became a reality for my family.
I ask believers amongst the readers to pray for Iwona..
Anna
* The names of characters have been changed.
Interview and notes by Marta Dzbeńska-Karpińska